This summer I went to Portugal for my 200-hour yoga teacher training (ytt). The coach brought me to the airport, the plane to Porto, the bus to Coimbra, where I met four out of the ten other women that joined for this journey. We had a shared minibus that brought us to the off-grid location becoming our home for the next three weeks. In the bus we got to know each other a little bit and one of the women asked, “who will we be on the way back?”. The air was filled with silent hope.
Yoga – well the practice of Asanas (postures) - was part of my journey since the very beginning of my PhD. Even before I had a rough idea of my research project and before I got to see my office in the department. It was the one hour that helped me cleanse and reconnect with my body. Both through the highs and the lows of the path. Sometimes daily, sometimes weekly, however, always present.
In this past two years the wish of becoming a yoga teacher started to grow within myself. Firstly, because I wanted to share something that does me so much good. Secondly, without knowing knowing I had this intuition that there is more to it. Something, that goes beyond the words I had to describe what it does to my whole being.
The whole being: body, mind, soul, energy all undifferentiable mushed together
Like the kneading of bread
a two-hand job
something whole
something beyond the binary.
In academia the binary is the norm. Sure, there is a lot of critique being voiced, raised and reinforced but we are still far away from a shift in paradigm. And in this dichotomy breaths the hierarchy that needs to be overthrown.
As I spent majority of the last 18 months in a martial arts gym doing ethnography as a woman in a masculine dominated space that was far from anything I knew before ethics was a big topic to me. Of course, I got ethical approval before I started but then the questions came pouring…
How is ethics lived?
How is ethics performed? Can it be performed?
Who carries the responsibility of ethics?
With whom do I speak about ethics?
Is there ever enough ethics?
How does ethics/ethical/unethical feel?
Where is the ego in ethics?
Where does ethics live in the whole being?
Being on my mat practicing Asanas during this time allowed for a check-in beyond the reflections of my mind. I figured that the questions and demands of ethical behaviour are something that can not be only a mind thing. While moving my body I felt that I stored encounters and responses in my shoulders and my hips. I realised that my soul is as much entangled in this research as my body and my mind. And my energy will influence my research and my research influences my energy.
What a concoction.
The standards of ethical behaviour – as so much in academia – is outlined on the prototype of a white, middle aged or elderly man that is respected because he is an academic. But the reality is I am young, brown and perceived as attractive. Clearly, that gives me access to certain interactions meanwhile not guaranteeing me much protection within these interactions, which puts more layers into the navigation of the field in the everyday. Especially, when combined with a feminist perspective of care towards the research participants. Hence, it makes everything a bit more exhausting - everything a bit more vulnerable - everything a bit messier.
In the ytt we learned about yoga being the stillness of the fluctuations of the mind. The surrendering of the ego, the voices in your head. A daily practice to be the human you are destined to be – unapologetically you. Because you are so balanced within yourself that there is nothing to apologise for. Allowing you to be fully present at all times your feet touching the ground.
During the 21 days of ytt I had a glimpse of what it could mean to live with a deeply rooted practice of reflection. And I could not stop wondering, what happens if we bring these guidelines into academia as practical guidelines for any fieldwork?
Ethics becomes solidarity.
Considering that researcher and research participants are whole beings sharing space and time together this would be a desirable take on ethics. A form of solidarity that is concerned with the thrown togetherness of everything. An ethics that goes beyond all dichotomies. A form of solidarity that holds hands with the world instead of the researcher’s ego. One that does not respond directly to individuals but centres everyone and nobody. Leading to holding space for knowledge that has the ability to disrupt. Simply, by not responding to anything else than the idea of oneness. In that space where interactions become naked, stripped of all expectations:
Solidarity is ethics.
Being back on my mat far away from Portugal and the rural location these strings of thoughts continue growing. I will develop these thoughts further and enrich them with examples. Either as part of my PhD or in some other form that I yet have to think of. Definitely a project of passion and one I believe in.
And last but not least - this woman is a yoga teacher now - sooooo.... stay tuned for sessions!
credits of all photographs go to Helen Carter Photography. Not only a great photographer, also a heart warming soul making my whole being at ease in front of her lens.
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